just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
