why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
