I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the raccoons are back...
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