Come see our sink grown plant.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
