It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
