How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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