Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
