I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
