Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
