He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
