sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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