i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
