We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
