You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize