Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
