Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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