Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
