i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
