The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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