I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Randomize