Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
