Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
