laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
