honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
