did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
