I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
