chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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