watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
