Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
