Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
