i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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