and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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