Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
