im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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