this beer tastes like vomit already
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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