Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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