There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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