I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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