we have officially lost it.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
