That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
