Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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