Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
