My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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