I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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