Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
