I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
