currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
