All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
