: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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