Please don't use social media to get back at me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
