It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
