Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
