Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize