he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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