ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
