When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
