My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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