It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
