I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
