I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
