so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
