In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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