just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
