Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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