She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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