you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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