you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So vagazzling was a success
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
