david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
