Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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