Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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