I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize