The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
