my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
