I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
